Confessions Of An Alchemist
by theDoctorlies
Summary: “Colonel Mustang is dead sexy!” Edward announced, much to the amusement of one Colonel Mustang. RoyEd COMPLETE


Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.

Summary: "Colonel Mustang is dead sexy!" Edward announced, much to the amusement of one Colonel Mustang. RoyEd

A/N: Has anyone heard this famous line: "Colonel Mustang is dead sexy…heh, in a mini shirt." It's courtesy of Vic Mignogna. XD In an interview, he was asked to compliment Colonel Mustang, and he came up with that as a joke. Needless to say, everyone got the wrong idea, and it's now the most requested line that wasn't even in the show. Well, here's my tale on that famous line, with a little twist, of course. So stick around to see how it ends.

* * *

Sweat was dripping down the side of Ed's face, as he slipped out of his red jacket, and placed it on the rack next to the showers. There were rips in the blood red material, and dirt smudges where he had fallen on the ground earlier. Smirking to himself, the blonde haired teen shed off the rest of his clothes, kicking his boots off as he stepped under the warm spray of the showerhead. Yearly examinations were a pain in the ass. Every yea, without fail, alchemists had to take an exam to keep their licenses. Ed passed with flying colors, as he did every year since he was twelve. But so did that ass Mustang, who was currently in the stall next to his.

Ed undid his braid as he let the warm water trail down his back, and set his rubbed band on the ledge of the shower. He could hear the Colonel humming over the sound of the water. The blonde alchemist made a face, wanting to tell him to shut the hell up. What kind of people sang in their showers these days?

After thoroughly washing the dirt from his hair, Ed turned off the water, and blindly reached for a towel. When his hands came up empty, he growled and started feeling around for the lock to the shower stall.

"Problem, Fullmetal?" Came a bored drawl from just outside the shower stall. A fluffy, green towel was placed over the top of the door, and Ed unwillingly took it. He wrapped it around his hips, then pushed the stall door open. Amber eyes widened slightly as they swung over to the Colonel, and involuntarily followed the little rivulets of water that trailed down his skin. His cheeks caught fire. Ed was thankful that the older man had turned away. But then he had to stare at the muscles in his back, stretching taut as he walked.

The blonde alchemist went over to his clothes, and hurriedly dried himself off with the towel Mustang had given him. After his clothes were on-he'd have to get someone to mend his coat later-he left the locker room without a backward glance at the Colonel.

* * *

A few days later, the picture of Mustang in just a towel hadn't left his head. It got so bad, that it had started to affect his moods, and now his job. It didn't help that he had to report to the bastard. Like now, he was standing in the man's office, boredly reporting what he'd found on his latest trip out of central.

Mustang was his usually haughty self, with his chin propped his hand, smirking,

"You know," Mustang stared, cutting Ed off in mid-report, "you never thanked me for giving you that towel."

Ed fought the urge to punch the smug look right off of the Colonel's face.

"_Thank_ you for the towel, _Colonel_." The blonde smirked, not bothering to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. Feeling that his report was concluded, Ed saluted and left the office without another word.

He missed Mustang's knowing look behind him.

* * *

Glasses clinked in the large room, loud voices filling the air. Everyone was in celebratory mode now that the exams were over. Ed didn't feel like joining them.

"Fullmetal!" Jean Havoc slurred, throwing an arm over the younger alchemist's shoulders. The blonde teen scowled and shook off the older man's arm. "What's wrong? Have a drink and relax!"

"Yes, Fullmetal." Came a smug voice next to him, before a cold glass of liquid was pushed into his hands. From its amber color, he could only guess it was alcohol. Didn't they know he was underage?

"No thanks." Ed pushed the glass back into Mustang's hands, a little disgusted that he would offer a minor alcohol.

"Maybe some milk, then?" Mustang smirked, sipping at the drink he had just offered the blonde. A tick formed in Ed's eyebrow. The Colonel knew better than anyone how much he hated milk.

"I'll pass." Ed scowled, grabbing the frosty glass from Mustang's hands, then downing the rest of the amber liquid himself, never mind that the haughty bastard had contaminated it with his germs. The alcohol burned his throat all the way down, making him cough violently at its bitter taste. Damn Mustang and his challenges.

Mustang smirked, his plan having been a success. Fullmetal was going to confess all of his dirty secrets, thanks to the truth elixir he slipped into the drink. Pretending to drink it and then challenging the blonde teen to drink it was the best idea he'd ever had, Ed's cheeks were already dusted with a very attractive shade of pink. Mustang almost missed the grin Havoc shot him.

"Have more to drink if you'd like." The Colonel smirked, feeling that very soon the young alchemist would be unable to lie. His blood was boiling with pure excitement at the possibilities. He almost expected it as the teen followed him back to the table where the rest of the Lieutenants were sitting. Each of them held a glass in their hands, as they talked about this and that.

"Hey, Ed! I'm glad you came!" Lieutenant Fury said excitedly, pulling the blonde to sit down next to him. Another glass of amber liquid was pushed into his hands, and he wondered if anybody knew he was only seventeen.

After half an hour had passed, Ed had consumed half of his drink, and seemed to be the only one that was overly intoxicated. He giggled, unabashed, as he leaned against Mustang's side, the glass in his hand threatening to spill over onto the Colonel's pressed uniform pants.

"Hey, Ed!" An arm was thrown over the blonde's shoulders, as a drunk Havoc invaded his personal space. The teen didn't seem to mind as he giggled again, then took a sip of his drink. "Tell me, do you really hate Roy? I mean, really? Do you? Tell me!"

Mustang smirked, already knowing Ed's answer. He couldn't lie, after all.

Ed startled everyone in the small office as he climbed onto the table, kicking over empty glasses as he raised his own into the air.

"Colonel Mustang is dead sexy!" He announced, much to the amusement of one Colonel Mustang. The silence that followed was almost deafening. That is, until Ed passed out, tipping the table over and sending empty glasses sailing through the air. The blonde was caught in a pair of strong arms, as the voices of fellow colleagues echoed in the air.

"I never knew you felt that way, Fullmetal." Mustang murmured, knowing it was useless to say anything since the blonde was out cold. But the Colonel promised himself not to let Ed live this moment down. It was just too good to pass up. And just because no one was looking, he let a small, affectionate smile cross his face at the blonde snoring softly in his arms.

Then stole a kiss for good measure.

* * *

Ed rubbed his head as he walked down the corridor to Mustang's office, wincing as light shone in his eyes from the many windows. He moved his fingers to his lips almost subconsciously, blushing as a single memory surfaced in his mind. Mustang had kissed him last night; he was sure of it. The bastard had put something in his drink, which caused him to say those embarrassing things, and ultimately ruin his reputation for hating him. It was Mustang's fault that he was confused, because for a minute last night, the Colonel had been the man that was in the blonde's dreams almost every night since he was fourteen. It was Mustang's fault for getting him drunk last night, and the headache he woke up with the next morning.

It was Mustang's fault for giving him false hope by kissing him.

Ed scowled as he turned the corner, not paying attention to where he was going, and crashing into a fleshy, warm wall. Papers went flying everywhere, as the two figures lay prone on the ground for a few minutes. The blonde's head pounded as the sun shone brightly in his eyes, and he moaned quietly, hands going up to try and stop it from hurting.

Damn Mustang, the idiot.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going! Are you okay?" A soft voice sounded from above him, as Sheska's face swam into focus. She was holding a hand down to him, concern shining in her eyes as the blonde turned to look at her. He took the offered hand, muttering a soft thank you as she pulled him to his feet. "Good morning, Edward! How are you today?"

"Stupid Mustang." The blonde muttered, rubbing his temples as he walked away without answering Sheska's questions. He turned another corner, ignoring the snickers and the looks he got from the Lieutenant as he walked towards Mustang's office. Hawkeye was standing in front of the door, her mouth twitching as she tried to hold in her laughter.

"The Colonel's been expecting you." She said, her voice cracking slightly as she covered her mouth with her hand. Ed ignored her as he walked into the office without knocking, glaring pure death at the man behind the desk. Mustang didn't look up as the blonde slammed the door, wincing at the pain in his head from the sound.

The minutes stretched on as Ed stared at Mustang, and the Colonel stared at the paperwork on his desk, pretending to be busy with signing them. After what felt like an eternity, he finally looked up.

"Hangover, Fullmetal?" The smirk looked like it always did, expect there was a strange glint in the older man's eyes. Ed tried to ignore it, but there was a slow heat creeping into his cheeks that made it hard to. Mustang made a noise in his throat then shuffled his papers as if to break the silence. "I'll take that as a yes. You're a light weight, after all."

"Why did you kiss me last night?" Ed asked abruptly, catching the Colonel off guard. It took the man a few minutes to compose himself before that familiar, haughty smirk was back in place. Even still, it took Mustang a couple more minutes to think through everything that he wanted to say to the young blonde standing in front if his desk. Ed took a sudden step forward, slamming his hands onto the Colonel's desk and wincing at the sound, like he'd forgotten about the pain building behind his eyes. "You slipped something into my drink last night, asshole! This is your fault! Now tell me why you kissed me!"

Mustang stood up from his desk, calmly smoothing his hands over the wrinkles in his uniform jacket. Ed watched him suspiciously, body stiffening as the Colonel walked around the desk, and placed his hands on both of Ed's shoulders. The smaller alchemist swallowed audibly as his eyes dropped to the Colonel's lips, stretched into a knowing smirk. Ed scowled as he looked up into the older man's eyes, determined not to let Mustang get the best of him…

…when those smirking lips deftly caught his, and the Colonel's hands dipped down to pin his arms to the desk. The kiss only lasted a second, but by the time Mustang had pulled away and gone back to his desk, the blonde alchemist was still frozen in place. Only the smug bastard's voice broke him out of it.

"Do you still think I'm dead sexy?" Mustang asked, shuffling papers like nothing happened, and it was just a regular day. Ed huffed as he peeled himself off of the Colonel's desk, stalking to the door and wrenching it open. "Fullmetal." The older man called, standing up from his desk one more time, but not leaving it. Ed closed the door before turning around to face him. "You wouldn't be free for dinner tonight, would you? My treat."

Ed blushed when he found himself nodding, and he hastily wrenched open the door before something else happened. As he closed the door, he could hear Mustang telling him the restaurant's name. The Lieutenants were full out laughing by now, clinging to each other and flashing him a thumbs up. He felt his headache turn into a full-blown migraine.

Damn Mustang!

_Owari_

* * *

A/N: Ah, Ed is so funny. And you gotta love Mustang. XD Review?


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